Life, to a degree, is dualistic in nature; we experience ups and downs; we have “good” days where life goes according to plan, and we have “bad” days where life doesn’t. This is the nature of life, always fluctuating.

So how do we deal with these bad days? How do we use them to our advantage?

Either you’re going through the turbulence of life right now, or you’re bound to sooner or later. It helps to know how to turn these rough rides into an experience that is meaningful. How do we become alchemists of our moments magically turning our misery into wisdom?

There are a couple techniques I have found to be useful:

Confront the situation

When we come face to face with adversity and difficulty, there are some of us who cower, run away, and sometimes even try to anesthetize ourselves to the situation, hoping it will go away in the mean time; we watch television, get high, drink ourselves numb, go shopping, have sex, eat something tasty; we try to flee from what we dislike, to things we like. (Or think we like.)

Stop. Face it. Embrace whatever you are going through fully. Know you have the strength within you to persevere through it. It is only when you face life with clarity and sobriety will you be able to extract its raw wisdom.

Remain equanimous

Facing hardship is obviously never easy. If it were, life would be a breeze. But life isn’t a breeze. It is a series of bumps, bristles, and blisters.

Practicing equanimity is a great tool for dealing with these situations. The fundamental principal of equanimity is acceptance; of the good, and most importantly, of the bad, without clinging or aversion. Clinging to things we like hurts us when those very things are taken from us (by life), and aversion to the reality that is produces suffering within us because we wish to change what we cannot. Remaining equanimous allows us to stay balanced within our peace, neither drowning in turmoil, or delirious in our passion.

Remain Objective

Because we perceive life from our subjective point of view, we tend, out of habit, and out of a lack of self-awareness, to take life personally; a moody glance looks to us like our significant other is falling out of love when they actually didn’t sleep well last night; a conversation with someone whose tone towards us we don’t appreciate is them actually having problems at home, and their inner turmoil is bubbling up to the surface; an asshole cutting us off as we drive home is actually a father rushing to the hospital because his child had a severe asthma attack.

Don’t take things so personally. See things clearly, not as you think you see them. Look long and look “deep”. Penetrate past the superficial veil of life to see the potential meaning inherent in each moment.

Open up to your feelings

You’re a human being. You have the capacity to experience a colourful palette of emotions. Don’t run away from them, no matter how miserable you feel. Face them. Be with them. I find this is the best way to “heal”. To babysit your emotions until they mature and move on on their own. So open yourself up to your feelings. Don’t judge them or think about them. Just feel them and allow them to pass. I often find I can turn this into a kind of meditation, enjoying even the most sorrowful of emotions as they pass and make space for healthier, happier ones. Not only will you live more lightly, but you will develop grit and perseverance.

Have faith that all is working out for the best

I have had countless experiences where, on the superficial level, it seemed like life was a disaster, but, upon waiting and attempting to make the best of the situation, have found out that the disaster was a necessity for greater things to come.

For instance, on January 16, 2014, I had no choice but to withdraw from a potent drug which would leave me suffering with severe symptoms, some of which I still suffer from, 2+ years later. But would you think me insane to say that I would do it all over again to be the person I am today? One month after my withdrawal I discovered my passion for writing. And since then, I’ve used writing as a tool to heal and create myself and my life. It has literally transformed me and I owe it to past events which at the time were tumultuous, but I never lost faith that things were working out as they should.

The lives we live are bigger than we can ever conceive. Trust that fact. Live with faith and persevere!

Find the positive

There is no problem like perception. If a problem exists, it is because of perception. If you do not want problems, simply shift your perception, or the way in which you see the world!

Likewise, you can train yourself to be an optimist; to always see life in a positive light.

When faced with an arduous and difficult situation, you have the power to see your experience however you would like to see it. You can take a debilitating illness and view it through a negative lens where you see yourself as a victim of life, or you can see it as a positive and come up with an infinite number of ways to turn your experience into a creative opportunity for growth. And I know this works because I’m speaking from experience.

Imagine you died

This is an exercise that’ll really get you focused on what’s important in life and whether or not you’re living in a way that is aligned with your values: imagine you’re 80 years old, on your deathbed, and absolutely filled with regret and misery because you didn’t live fully, love fully, take your chances, weren’t bold enough, weren’t kind enough. You were fearful of being true, of actually living, and now it is time to pay for your life as we all inevitably will have to.

Wake up! That vision is a potential of your future. Seize the day. Seize the moment. Live now. Love now. Change your destiny. Life gets rough sometimes. Do not let that harden you. Stay soft. Stay kind. Stay loving.

Use your situations as fuel

Sometimes the most negative experiences can be utilized as fuel to kickstart much needed change in our lives. A difficult breakup allows us to learn to love and build up ourselves. A layoff from work allows us the opportunity to make our dream careers come true. An illness gives us time to re-evaluate our lives.

Motivation vanishes as quickly as it appears. Utilize it wisely.

Write

As a writer, I have found writing to be an immensely liberating tool. Whenever I am going through things, nothing heals me better than writing about it. Writing allows me to take the situation from my life and trap it in the prison of the page so it no longer torments my spirit. From there, I can dissect the situation until I am free from it. I can create solutions. I can change my behaviour. I can write out my destiny. I am the author of my life.

Sometimes the changes we need to make are not so apparent to us because they dwell deep below the surface of our conscious minds. Writing, over time, helps us unearth them.

Write out your feelings, especially the ones you would rather not feel. Writing is cathartic, it will help you heal. Write out who you want to become and the kind of life you wish to live in extraordinary detail. Write out how you’re going to make that vision a reality.

Ask yourself the question “What is life trying to teach me right now?”

Asking yourself this question compels you to search for the lesson that is most meaningful and relevant to you in this moment. Then, when you’ve found it, pay attention (:

Life is a dualistic whole of both up’s and down’s. We can, if we choose to, enjoy life. The bad’s don’t have to be bad. We can get through them, utilizing them to our benefit, knowing that tomorrow may not be as bad as today. We must learn to be like rainbows, wielding the nature of both the sun and the rain to be what we are in our nature—beautiful.

“Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life”. ~ Dalai Lama

If you want to experience high levels of self-confidence on a permanent basis, I suggest you set aside your current notions on how real confidence is cultivated and give me 5 minutes to put forward my case.

You see, I actually believe that confidence arises naturally and automatically once something else is taken care of.

I also believe that the usual advice on acquiring confidence is ineffective, temporary at best, and maybe even harmful in the long run.

What I believe to be the true method for developing self-confidence may be so counter-intuitive that it shocks you.

Standard advice is along the lines of the “ra-ra” pump-up. You tell yourself that you are good enough. Maybe you even make a “what’s great about me” list. Straighten your posture. Do a Superman pose (yes that is real advice given by some people). But how long will it last? If you’ve tried it, you’ll know the answer to that one.

But why is it temporary?

Can you see what’s actually happening here? You’re merely ‘masking’ a problem, not actually dealing with the root cause.

I believe it’s like attempting to combat an inferiority complex with one of superiority. However, in my opinion, a superior complex and an inferiority complex are two sides of the same coin.

A superiority complex is just another form of inferiority.

Why do I say that? Because the only people who desire to be better than everyone else are those who feel inferior. The need to “outshine” everyone is actually born of fear and weakness, not strength.

So therefore:

Fear

Insecurity

Inferiority

…masks itself as:

Arrogance

Overcompensation

Superiority

The temporary pump-up method is based on a totally erroneous understanding of what confidence actually is.

Your job is not to overcome low self-confidence, but to allow it to disappear as if it doesn’t exist.

How?

Ok I’ve kept you in suspense long enough about my theory on self-confidence. What do you think would be the opposite, or antidote, to fear, insecurity, inferiority and so on?

It can be summed up in one word….

Goodwill.

If you can fill yourself with a sense of impersonal goodwill for everyone, can you possibly be fearful? Can you feel inferior when your mind is at ease like this?

The Dalai Lama, a man I have immense respect for, calls it “warm heartedness”. Can you feel insecure with a warm heart? I don’t think it’s possible.

Here is another quote from the Dalai Lama:

“I try to treat whoever I meet as an old friend. This gives me a genuine feeling of happiness.”

With a friendly, genuine interest in others, you can’t help but be confident. And the strangest thing is, you are doing it without giving a single thought to how confident you are. Like I said at the top of the article, it arises naturally and automatically.

And the opposite of anger and hatred is…goodwill. And when cultivated, we feel secure and confident.

Fear and insecurity is removed – it’s gone. But was it “conquered”? Was insecurity battled and fought? No. These states of mind simply do not exist in a mind that is friendly and at ease. There was no fight, and confidence comes as a natural by-product.

It’s like happiness itself: The more you pursue it directly, the more it eludes you. Happiness comes indirectly while you’re doing other things.

So my belief and my message is this: Traditional methods of improving confidence tend to be egoistic and self-centered. I’m convinced that this can only bring temporary change at best and it may even make things worse.

In contrast, the more your thoughts and actions are motivated by a sense of goodwill, the freer and more confident you will become.

So it turns out that you don’t need to be Superman, you just need a warm heart.

And it’s just a lot easier 🙂

Every organisation has a boss, but not all companies have an effective leader. Any person can start barking orders, give unconstructive criticisms, and push people to get things done.

You can find at least one of them in every office – walking around and acting like they did everything. However, that does not automatically grant them the title of a leader.

Keep in mind that several qualities separate a boss from a real leader. These qualities make the difference between a workplace that fosters productivity and a place that breeds stress and frustration.

Here are five ways to distinguish whether you have a boss or a leader:

1. A true leader says “we”

A true leader believes that the members of the group are equals. Without leadership, a team will be in confusion and skills will be wasted. However, without the workforce, great leadership means nothing. These two components are essential to the success of a company, and leaders acknowledge this equality with the way they talk.

While a boss says I, true leaders use the word we, especially when referring to company goals. In tough times, a true leader would say “we have to stay focused and keep grinding” – whereas a boss would simply say “you should focus and work harder”. This alone has a positive psychological effect on the entire workforce.

Likewise, they are accountable for the accomplishments and failures of everyone. Moreover, most importantly, they take part in the action through guidance rather than watch and criticise from the sidelines.

“Sometimes, especially when trying something new, team members need assistance. Get actively involved not in doing the work of the team member but in teaching them how to do it.” – Mark Sanborn

2. A true leader is your colleague

A leader works just as hard, if not harder than everyone else. They take the organisation’s problems as their own and they are always willing to lend a helping hand.

By working with the team, a leader also nurtures one of the most important things in life – friendship. It sounds cheesy, but it is one of the best ways to maintain a productive work environment. It boosts morale and bolsters the team’s confidence – knowing that their leader always has their back.

3. A true leader inspires

A boss will often exercise their authority by inspiring fear and forcing productivity. This might work for the short-term, but it endangers the team’s motivation in the long run.

To preserve a harmonious work environment, a real leader prepares the team through inspiration. They acknowledge talent and will encourage members to develop and leverage them to accomplish company objectives. Furthermore, they make sure everyone is aligned and strives for the company’s vision. In turn, they nurture mutual respect between everyone within the organisation.

4. A true leader focuses on people

A boss will do anything, even sacrifice the will of the team, just to make sure everything follows due process. They are obsessed with protocols that they forget that people run the company and not rules. A true leader knows this and will often lean towards the needs of the people.

Remember that a true leader will prioritize the personal development of the workforce. They do not merely use people to push goals. Rather, they guide them in a way that they’ll also grow as individuals.

5. A true leader learns

A boss has a mindset that they already know everything, if not much more than everyone else in the company. In turn, they often ignore feedback and undermine their capacity to grow.

Whenever making a critical decision, a leader will always think about how it will benefit every member. They often seek feedback and input whenever making such decisions. This motivates employees by letting them know that their opinions matter. Lastly, a leader is open-minded to new ideas and will give credit to who deserves it.

“A leader is both a teacher and a student. They are willing to accept criticism from members just as much as they are willing to give theirs,” – David Kiger

The discrepancies between a boss and a leader are significant enough to make the difference between success and failure. A boss may be useful in pushing productivity for the short-term, but a leader sees the bigger picture and focuses on the long-term.

Ultimately, they value relationships between people as opposed to hierarchical connections. These relationships are the catalyst that will hold an organisation together in pursuit of success.

Are you a boss or a leader? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

I absolutely adore rose-colored pieces (especially outwear) for spring.  It’s tender and refreshing.  With such a delicate color, I love it when it’s coupled with bold elements.  This trench has strong features that I really appreciate… The leather trimmed under collar, detachable bottom half (can be worn as a crop or long jacket!), and double-breasted button placket.

A softer pairing with pink on pink.

Outfit CROPPED TRENCH :: Rebecca Minkoff trench, vintage peplum, Current/Elliott jeans, Karen Walker sunglasses, Miu Miu pumps (old, similar here)

Outfit LONG TRENCH :: Rebecca Minkoff trench, Marissa Webb top, Vince Camuto shorts, Valentino pumps, Essie ‘Ballet slippers’ polish

Crop-tops are a must-have for all wardrobes nowadays, and they especially shine in the hot season. It is very cool to combine them with other items not just in winter, but also in summer: with a light button down shirt for instance, or perhaps underneath overalls. Have a look at our gallery, where we collected 20 perfect crop-tops for Spring Summer 2016. 

Ashish

Carven

Cushnie Et Ochs

Etro

La Perla

Marni

Miu Miu

Steve J & Yoni P

Temperley London

Topshop

Topshop

Topshop

Valentino

Versace

Weekday

Zara

Zara

Zara

I’m back home now in LA and have been relying on this uniform to get me through the week.  Classic yet edgy, I love these distressed skinny jeans.  Coupled with a classic stripe button-up and leopard pumps, these jeans add the perfect dose of off-duty vibe.

Thank you so much for reading!

:: Outfit ::

Top :: Nili Lotan (similar here, best of budget)

Bottom :: Frame

Bag :: Chanel

Shoes :: Christian Louboutin

Accessories :: Daniel Wellington watch (code ‘WENDYSLOOKBOOK’ for 15% off until May 15th),

Prada sunglasses, Deborah Lippmann ‘It’s raining men’ polish

Did your parents ever make you sloppy joes growing up?

If so, welcome to the club.

If not, I’m sorry, you poor neglected soul. (Just kidding, but also kind of not kidding).

Sloppy joes are so delicious! And I haven’t had them since my mom made them for me back in high school. My sister and I would return home from sports practice absolutely famished and we’d eat two open-faced sloppy joes with a side of mac ‘n’ cheese.

Oh, how my diet has changed since then! But my craving for this sweet, savory, smoky sandwich has not. Let’s do this!

This dish comes together in roughly 30 minutes, including cooking your lentils! It’s so simple and quick that it’s sure to become a weeknight staple in your home.

The ingredients are also simple. In fact, the only thing not already in my pantry was worcestershire sauce (I include a vegan-friendly brand recommendation below, as well as a recipe idea if you can’t find any at the store).

Easy recipes that you can make with everyday pantry items – that’s SO my thing.

I think you guys are going to LOVE these sandwiches. They’re:

Smoky

Savory

Slightly spicy

Super hearty

Naturally sweetened

Fiber- & protein-rich

Quick

& Delicious

These would make the perfect meal to throw together when you need something quick and hearty to feed a crowd. One batch should generously serve four. And if you’re a solo diner, this recipe is great to have around during the week to reheat for lunches or easy, healthy dinners.

If you try this recipe, let us know!

Hope you had a great weekend and thank you so much for reading!

:: Outfit ::

Dress :: Marissa Webb

Shoes :: Aquazzura

Bag :: Chloe

Accessories :: Shrimp faux fur charm, Karen Walker sunglasses,

Deborah Lippmann ‘It’s raining men’ polish

We live in a crazy fast world and it’s easy to get caught up in the vicious cycle of on your marks, get set…. go, go, go….!

The days are a constant blur of racing to get to work on time, trying to achieve all your work responsibilities, being bombarded digitally, and then racing home to buy groceries, get dinner ready, pay bills and find the time to exercises. This is just my to-do list. For those of you who have children, you could easily add another 5-10 activities on top of mine…!

It is little wonder that at the end of the day, we lie down on the couch trying to buy some “me” time in front of the TV screen, with a glass (or bottle of red) trying to medicate ourselves from the stress and pressure of our lives. We may even turn to our favourite digital distractions: Facebook, Instagram or FarmVille.

We don’t even realise that this constant bustling between our personal and professional lives is actually making us sick.

Because of this, lifestyle movements as such as mindful living, minimalism, meditation and yoga are taking off.

By focussing on the journey and not just the destination and taking the time to “smell the roses” we are able to live live with intention and find balance.

Here are 7 things that I do to help me live a purpose-filled life:

1. Self-care.

Call it self-care, self-love or even selfish, but I make sure to prioritize my needs first. While it is noble to take care of others, and can also be rewarding, it can often lead to stress and feelings of resentment. Remember to make time for yourself because if you don’t, the pressure of trying to do it all while trying to do it perfectly will lead to burn out. Take a moment in the day for you. Perhaps its as simple as having a cup of tea in the afternoon. Or reading a book before bed. Or maybe it’s waking up 30 mins earlier to go for a walk. Whatever it is, selfishness can be a good thing if it means nourishing your soul and giving back to yourself.

2. Just breathe.

Practicing daily meditation or yoga can help you get centered. In fact, by purposefully bringing your attention back to your breath, you are gently cajoling your mind to the here and now instead of what it has learned to do (which is race at a frenzied pace!). When I do yoga and meditation in the morning, I tend to be less stressed and overwhelmed because these activities help me to set the tone and intention for the day in a more relaxed way.

3. Get organized.

How many of us say that we don’t have time for the things we really want to do? Most of us. And how many of us actually take responsibility for wasting a lot of the free time we do have? None of us.

If you consider that each of us sleeps perhaps 6-8 hours, and works 8—10 hours per day, that still leaves us with about 8 hours (give or take an hour or two each way) to do as we please. So if at the bare minimum we have 6 hours to do as we please, how many of us are using this time effectively to do the things that give us the most joy or gives us a sense of purpose?

So let’s start trading our time wisely and consciously. If you want to get fit, instead of spending an hour on Facebook, spend that hour going for a run or doing yoga. That’s what I do.

4. You are what you eat.

Your nutrition plays an important role in how you look, feel, behave and think. If you’re feeling tired, negative or depressed, it may be because you’re not consuming enough of the right vitamins and nutrients. I am vegetarian so by default I tend to eat lots of fruit and vegetables. However if you’re diet consists of lots of processed foods, white breads, dairy, refined sugar, and alcohol it could explain why you’re not performing at your optimal levels. Increase your organic whole foods intake, eat plenty of green leafy vegetables and drink lots of water, and you’ll notice a big difference in your energy levels and your overall health.

5. Choose happiness.

I get in trouble for saying this (often by people who prefer to dwell on the negative) but for me, happiness is a choice. Even if I don’t always have control over every element of my life, I know that I can control how I choose to react, think, feel and respond.

My emotions are within my control and that means happiness is also. Now I’m not saying that at every moment of every day I choose happiness. Not at all. Sometimes I get really frustrated. And sometimes I lose my s%$# when things don’t go according to plan. But I take responsibility for those times and they often don’t last the entire day let alone the next couple of days. The truth is, that if you want to be happy, just choose to be happy. Often the only thing separating a negative person and a positive person is their perspective.

6. Avoid distractions.

This is a big one for me because I run my own digital agency and with all the emails, notifications, tweets, and messages I received it can be easy to get distracted. One second I’m  “just checking” a notification and then an hour later you realise you’ve just wasted time on unproductive social media activities. So to avoid wasting time on non-essential activities and be more productive, I turn my phone off when I work. This means that while I’m working on a project, I have my phone on “airplane mode” and I log out of my email inbox so that I’m not distracted by incoming emails that serve no purpose other than to distract me from the task at hand. I am also particular about having several windows open on my laptop as having too many open can also be distracting.

7. Learn to say no.

I used to be one of those “yes” people. I was afraid of missing out on an opportunity and being a social butterfly meant that I would say yes to every invite that came my way. But after years of spending my weekends partying and attending events, I realized that I wasn’t making any headway with my life and business goals. So I started putting first things first, prioritizing my time and saying no to the things that didn’t really matter. And I couldn’t be more happier and fulfilled!

Lots of people like sneakers, but simply everyone loves white sneakers! They are a must-have, and they are everywhere this Spring-Summer 2016: there are leather and high-tech fabric ones, as well as vintage inspired and ultramodern ones. Sneakers can spice up any outfit, they work with a cute dress as much as with jeans and a t-shirt. Which pair is your favorite?

New Balance

Gucci

Reebok

Nike

Yohji Yamamoto

Converse

Alexander McQueen

Common Projects

Eytys

Raf Simons

Adidas

Geox

Le Coq Sportif

Acne Studios

Nike

Cos

Saint Laurent

Isabel Marant

Topshop

Comme Des Garçons

Valentino

Vans